You Masturbate, You Die.

"...working that which is unseemly [masturbation], and receiving in themselves that recompence of their error which was meet. [DEATH!]" - Romans 1:27

Hello, patient, welcome to the clinic. How can I help you today?
Low blood pressure? Ah, okay, let me check.
... Hmmm, it's worse than I thought.
What's that, you get dizzy when you get an erection?
... I see...
Please look at this diagram:

You see, when you get an erection, blood goes from your body
  to your penis. However, the reason why you have low blood
  pressure is because you have low blood levels. That is
  very grave. If you get an erection, blood necessary for
  your head will go to your penis, causing you to faint and
  therefore brain cell death which will ultimately lead to
  your death.
No, you won't die just yet (maybe), behold: if you take the
  meds I am giving you and do not masturbate, your blood
  levels should regulate by the end of the month and you
  will be able to get erections again.
That'll be $800. Thank you and good luck.

Yes, that's right. Your blood pressure is very low, for your blood levels are abnormally low, wherefore if you masturbate, you will faint and die. So, don't masturabte ever again. You masturbate you die!

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